Chasing Dreams
by PCGirl
Summary: Complete. Six years after leaving them John comes back to Llanview after dealing with a FBI case that makes him nervous for Natalie and Liam's safety. But what remains of the dreams left behind?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: All characters are property of ABC/Disney, unless they are my own creation (Brett, Craig, and Aaron), then they belong to me.

A/N: Tap. Tap tap. Is this thing on? Wow. I really didn't think I had any more Jolie left in me. But apparently never say never. I know where I'm going with this story, I just hope the muse can stay awake long enough to let me finish this. Until next time-ya'll are the best. PC Girl.

* * *

John pulled open the drawer and began stuffing clothes into his duffle. It was the right thing—the best thing to do. Hearing steps coming down the hall he stopped and sighed, waiting for round two to begin, but instead glanced over to see his FBI partner since Quantico standing in the doorway, "You haven't said much."

"I get it, I think," said Aaron. This assignment had gotten to John in a way he hadn't seen in a very long time. It worried him, but he knew that it was better for him to walk away than to keep trying to help with the case while obviously distracted.

"You could just talk to the department shrink," he suggested.

John laughed, "I don't do shrinks. Or talking. You know that."

He laughed back, "Yep. John McBain—the quietest, broodiest guy I know. Along with the best partner I've ever had."

"Same here—well, the partner part, definitely not quiet or broody," he smiled as he glanced around the room one more time. "Is he still here?"

"Told him to go take a walk," he said, speaking of the other person on their team. "What are you expecting to happen when you get there?"

"Other than world war three? I'm not really sure. I just—I have a feeling and I've got to take care of this."

"So is it an obligation or something more?"

John paused at the question while standing at the door. He really wasn't sure—six years was a long time to suddenly reappear in a person's life, no matter how close you were before. "Honestly, I'm not sure—maybe both. Maybe none. If something happens though and I'm not there," he stopped his words. "Take care, Aaron—and let's pray we don't see each other any time soon."

"Same here, Irish," he said as he watched him walk out the door.

* * *

John walked into the bullpen and realized how much if felt like home again—it was probably the only easy part of being back in Llanview. Six years. It was crazy to think how much had changed in his life. It was supposed to be just chasing a ghost—but that was what brought him to this point , he chased it when it didn't need to be, and the result was losing his whole family, losing what he'd dreamt of for so long.

Knocking on the door he heard a call to come in and braced himself, Bo might have been a friend all those years ago, but he was also Natalie's uncle—a man who saw her as his own daughter at times, "Uhm, hi. You busy?"

Bo had to do a double take at seeing the man standing in his doorway, "I don't know. Depends on why you are here," he said and tossed the folder he'd been looking at on his desk.

John wasn't sure where to start exactly, "I'm back in town, thought I'd stop by and check out the old stomping grounds. How are you doing Bo? Thought you'd be retired by now."

"I am—was," he corrected himself. "The previous commissioner had to step down so I agreed to fill in for a bit while a new one was found. Now answer my question, John."

John bit his lip, trying to figure out the best way, "First off—I know I screwed up. And I—I just—."

"What? Thought you'd walk back in after all these years and would be able to fit back in just as easily. It's not going to work that way, John." He stopped at hearing a knock on the door and cursed under his breath. Before he could tell them to wait the door opened and Natalie walked in.

"Hey—you have time to go over that report?" she asked and froze at seeing who was in the office. She'd noticed some of the guys—the ones that had been around forever had gotten quiet when she walked in. But hadn't been expecting to see John in her uncle's office. "What the hell?"

"Hi, Natalie," he said, looking at her for just a moment before putting his head down. "I—I better go. We can talk later, Bo," he said and let himself out quickly.

Natalie looked back at the door as it closed, this wasn't happening, "Uncle Bo—please tell me you aren't hiring him back."

"No," he responded with a shake of his head. "Forget about him—let's go over this report," he said, trying to steer both their thoughts off of why John would be back in town and onto work.

* * *

His mind was still reeling at seeing Natalie. Maybe they'd been right—maybe this was stupid, and he should just tell Bo what was going on and let him take it from there. He'd given up on being with Natalie and Liam years ago, knowing they were better off without him.

Instead though he found himself still walking into Angel Square hotel. Ringing the bell at the front desk he braced himself as he heard her steps coming to greet him, "Oh—it's you, Natalie sent me a message saying you might be by. Was hoping she was wrong."

"That's it? No hi."

"You hurt my baby girl bad, Johnny. You can't just walk in here and back into her heart—or my heart. So yeah, that's it. And no vacancies," she said as she slammed a sign on the counter and walked off.

John tapped the desk and looked over at the beaver that still sat there, "I get it, Rox. I screwed up."

"You sure as hell did," she yelled, rushing back at him. "But my Nattie—she's a hell of a strong woman. And that boy—he's the greatest. That's all without any help from you."

"I'm not going to argue that. I'm sorry I hurt her and Liam."

"And me too. You know I was your number one fan. I vouched for you. I kept saying there was no way you'd walk away from them. But you did—you never came back and made me look like a damn liar."

John sighed, "I'm sorry. Can I have a room please?"

"I guess, but John that Natalie boat has sailed away like the Titanic," she said as she pulled a key off the wall and tossed it on the desk.

"Guess I'm the iceberg then," he said quietly before going to find his room.

* * *

John nodded at couple of officers as he went down the hall and got to her door. He'd got his stuff settled in his room and made a few calls, giving Natalie time before coming to see her.

A smile appearing on his face at seeing the name _Natalie Banks, Head of Forensics_. Pride swelled up at what she'd been able to accomplish. Doing that was one thing, but as a single mom was something else. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door, hearing papers shuffle before a call on the other side to enter.

Natalie had been on edge since this morning, knowing and waiting for him to show up. So at hearing the knock she figured she was as ready as ever. At him opening the door she just nodded "Surprised the FBI hasn't called you back yet."

"Not going back," he said with a head shake and tilted a picture of her and Liam a bit so he could look at it.

"Yet, anyways," she chimed in and readjusted the picture.

"Head of Forensics, that's great. I knew you could do it."

"Thanks," she said and looked back at her paperwork. "I'm sorry John—I'm not up for pleasantries today. I need to finish this and get Liam to his STEM group.

"Stem?"

"Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics," she said and watched as he stared back at her as if she had two heads. "It's—it's hard to explain. It's something I could see Michael being interested in when he was a kid. If they had it back then."

John nodded, "Sounds interesting. Can I come?"

"No," she said strongly. "I still have to figure out how to tell my son why his dad decided to randomly show up. Though, I really don't know or care. So one thing at a time, please," she said as she pushed past him and into the hallway. "Goodbye, John."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Muse is still rolling and I'm still trying to get this thing put together. Giving ya'll a little more of a backstory on what's been going on for the past six years, and maybe a bit of a cliff hanger. ;) Until next time-PCGirl.

* * *

Bo walked into Rodi's and looked around—if there was one place John would be it was probably here. Not seeing him at the bar he thought he was wrong until he glanced over to see him sitting at a table in the back corner, seeming lost in thoughts as he stared at the pool table, "How was the rest of your day?" he asked taking a seat and shaking his head at the waitress when she asked him if he wanted anything.

"About to be as expected. Only good part of it was not running into Clint with a shotgun," he said as he pushed away the memories he'd been reliving before Bo joined him. "I—I don't know why I came back."

"Well, apparently someone does. After you left I got an interesting call. Guy from the FBI by the name of Craig."

John laughed and took a sip off the beer he'd been nursing, "There's a reason we call him Mouth. It's because he can't keep it shut. What'd he say?"

"Not much—that'd he'd been working on a case with you and said to ask you why you were really back."

John stared at the wording on the bottle for a moment before beginning to speak, "When I went back into the FBI it was undercover—that lasted around eighteen months, and then I had the choice to either leave or be reassigned to a permanent field office. There was a spot open at the field office in Albany where my old partner Aaron works. I've been there ever since.

"Six months ago there was a murder—young single mom with a boy. The mom was killed, the boy is drugged and ends up at his dad's house. Then three months later it happens again—same thing, mom is killed, boy ends up at his dad's. Local police department asks us for assistance."

Bo nodded, he was seeing a connection now, "Made you think of Natalie and Liam."

"Definitely, but I knew they were safe. That this wasn't personal. The profiler says they believe the guy has lost custody of his son, other than weekends and holiday visits. Because it seems to be right after those that the attacks happen."

"Has their been a third?"

John nodded slowly and finished off the beer, before getting the waitress' attention for another, "Craig's partner is Brett—Brett does a press conference with the local PD asking for the public's input. And cautioning any single moms on new people they meet as we've realized he's finding them at events like soccer practice and karate meets. His kid is with him—so he seems harmless.

"Next thing we know we get a call—it's Brett's niece. His niece who is a single mom."

"Damn."

"That's the understatement of the year," he said and took a big swallow. "That was last month. I've tried to keep it professional—tried my hardest to help the guys with the case, but I couldn't. Brett took a personal leave, and yesterday I left Craig and Aaron to work on it—because I'll be damned if Liam shows up at my door because I wasn't here to protect her."

"Craig wasn't happy that you left, was he?"

"You could say that," laughed John.

" _So that's it huh? Suddenly this case gets a bit too personal and you quit? The John McBain that I knew before wasn't like this."_

" _You wouldn't get it Craig. It's more than just a case."_

" _Brett's coming back—and when he finds out you gave up on him—"_

" _That's between me and him. And after all he's gone through I think he'll understand. You think this is a fluke? That Brett does a press conference and suddenly the guy goes after our families."_

" _Then call your old boss—hell, call her and tell her yourself."_

" _And say what exactly? Hey—I know I've been out of touch for six years, but if you can put yourselves in a bubble til we catch this guy that'd be great. You don't know Natalie—you tell her not to do something—."_

" _And she'll do it," inserted Aaron who had been silent the whole time. He'd heard enough bits and pieces from John over the years and a couple bottles to have an idea of what she was like._

" _So what are you going to do? Stalk her?"_

" _I don't know."_

"So what are you going to do John?"

"I don't want my job back, Bo. Hell, I don't deserve it for the way I left. But if I could use some resources. Not a lot. Maybe just a room with a tack board."

Bo nodded in thought, "You have no proof that he's headed this way—they've all been up around Albany. What makes you think he'll come down here and go after Natalie?"

"I don't know—but I can't chance it, Bo."

"And after he's caught? By you or whoever. Where are you going after that?"

"I know it's awkward right now—but I can't leave Llanview again. And I still own this place—so if I'm never a cop again I'm ok with that. As long as they are safe—and I can finally start having a relationship with Liam. Then that'll be enough."

"What about Natalie?"

"I know that's over—I had to let her go a long time ago, Bo. Do I still love her? If I'm honest I have for fifteen years, time away and other relationships has never changed that. You know that.

"I—I just can't hurt her again, or Liam by us trying and it falling apart like it has in the past. It's not fair to her—and it's not fair to him."

* * *

Natalie took the steps slowly, she'd gone around and around with Gigi on what to do while Liam was in his group. The how and what to tell her son and she still wasn't sure of the best way.

All she could think of was his safety—protecting his heart from being hurt. That if John was here for just a few months and was going to take off again then she couldn't do that to him.

Yes he had plenty of uncles and other male role models in his life, but it was dad that he wanted. So the first step was to find out exactly what John was doing here, and then figure out the next step from there.

She knocked on the door and was greeted by silence. Hearing footsteps on the landing she looked over to see John standing there.

"Hey—is everything ok?"

"I'm not sure—we need to talk first."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I'm going to be honest-I'm struggling. I have most of the scenes written out in a notebook, but I'm still trying to shake off years of not writing. So if it's not my best work please just keep hanging on. Thank you to gotye for being a sounding board the other day. Until next time-ya'll are the best-PCGirl.

* * *

John was surprised to see her standing there. He remembered years ago when he'd imagine her showing up and them fighting and yelling til they sorted it out. But it had just been wishful thinking and never happened. "How was Liam's science thing?" he asked as he unlocked the door and let her in.

"Good. I-I dropped him off with Grandma and Grandpa. We need to talk, John, before I tell him anything I have to know exactly what your intentions are," she said.

John laughed, "My intentions? I'm not here to fight for custody, Natalie."

"You'd never get it-my dad would make sure of that," she said absently, looking around the room and realizing how odd it felt to be back in John's room, so to speak, and none of the normal things where there.

"Always got to throw that Buchanan money in my face, don't you?" he said as he shook his head, this was the Natalie he hated dealing with. The one that forgot her roots and would go for her family's name and influence instead. "Just forget it Natalie-talk to Bo, he knows why I'm here thanks to Craig."

"Craig. That was one of your FBI buddies, right?" she said, remembering the name from stories he'd told her before.

"Yeah. Him, Brett, and Aaron. I'm impressed you remember."

"I don't forget a lot. Like I didn't forget how you went to chase after a ghost you never mentioned in the nine years I knew you and never came home."

"Well, I couldn't exactly do that with a restraining order hanging over my head, now could I?"

"That was all my dad-he did that without my knowledge. As soon as I found out and finished cussing him out I had it rescinded. I told all of this to your handler-did he not tell you?"

"He did," was all he replied, he didn't want to fight-but knew coming back here would open old wounds that were better kept healed or pretended to be.

"Then why the hell did you never come home?" she yelled, the mixture of anger and hurt of the past six years hitting her all at once.

She'd sworn she'd cried her last tears for John, but everything was hitting her at once, and she betrayed herself by doing just that, "I thought you would come home when you finished that assignment-when you knew the restraining order was gone. Come back to your son, if nothing else.

"Then maybe we would have a few rocky months, but-but that we could somehow make it work. I loved you, John-and whatever happened in Port Charles, I could get past. If only you had come home."

John hated this, hated seeing the hurt he put her through years ago, and now as he watched her relive it, "I always thought it was for the best."

"The best?" she laughed. "The best is for me to be heartbroken-for your son to ask me as he grows up where his daddy is? If he loves him?

"Last year he was telling people his daddy was in heaven-because he always heard Jess telling Ryder and Bree that's where Ford and Nash were. That they loved them so much but had to go to heaven. He figured if you loved him you'd be here-and you weren't so you must be in heaven with them.

"I had to correct him, and I had a really hard time explaining to him why you loved him but weren't around. Because I've always known you did—I remember you holding him that first time at the lodge, and then again after we got him back from Brody. I've never questioned whether that that emotion was real or not.

"But now this—your being back, I don't know what to tell him. I can't figure out how to explain to a seven-year-old why his daddy's been away and why he has suddenly come back. Do you?"

John sighed and looked up at the ceiling, as if to find some sort of heavenly answer, "I guess we start with I'm sorry. I'm sorry I haven't been there for most of his firsts, and I'm sorry you had to carry all the burden of raising him and making all the decisions on your own."

He took a step forward, he wanted to wipe away the tears he'd just caused, but instead took her hand and held it in his, feeling the connection they had come back to life, "And I'm sorry to you, Natalie. I'm sorry I did what I did. First chasing after a ghost, then kissing Sam, and finally going to the FBI and never looking back, even when I wanted to. But I'm here and I promise when everything is over I'll still be here."

"Don't make a promise you can't keep John," she said, looking down at her hand in his, not wanting to let go of that connection just yet. "I don't care about myself anymore, but I won't let Liam be collateral damage because his parents are screwed up."

John nodded, and released her hand, "I told you—I'm not going anywhere. You better get back to Liam. Can I see him soon?"

Natalie nodded, realizing how something so simple as his hand in hers had calmed her down and pushed away some of her fears, "I think so. Yeah. Let me look at our schedules and see what works."

"Thank you," he said with a half smile and walked her to the door. "I'll see you soon. Goodnight, Natalie."

"Goodnight, John," she said, suddenly unable to make eye contact as she left.

* * *

Natalie walked into Llanfair and took a breath. That had been so much more intense than she'd expected. But then, John had that effect on her. Now she had to remain focused on the next step, which was telling Liam.

Walking into the library she saw her parents sitting their quietly, enjoying their evening, "Hey-where's Liam?"

"Oh, hello darling," said Vicki as she got up and greeted her. "He's upstairs with Ryder. Are you ok? You look tired, please sit."

"No, I can't—it's just been a long day-starting with going to Bo's office this morning and finding John sitting in his office."

"Tell me your Uncle isn't going to hire him back. I knew him going back to the LPD was a bad idea, no matter how bad they needed him," spoke Clint as he got up out of his seat.

"No, John is here for some other reason. I just left him and he didn't go into details but it has something to do with why he left the FBI this time. And now I need to tell Liam his dad is back in town."

"Do you think that's the best idea? I mean really Natalie-the man left you high and dry while he was schmoozing it up with some hussy."

"You know, I've already had enough of rehashing the past tonight—and that's before I tell Liam. But since you want to talk about it, here's something you forgot dad—that you forged my signature and made John believe I put a restraining order on him and would keep him from his child. That all this time that has been lost between him and his son is because you felt like it was in our best interest to keep him away.

"So, I'm going to go get my son, make sure his homework is done for the night, and then completely tilt his world off balance. Goodnight!" she shouted and stormed out of the room.

* * *

Natalie walked into the house and put her bag down, "You have all your homework done? Anything I need to sign?"

"Just a permission slip for a field trip next week," said Liam as he pulled the notebook out of his backpack and found the paper to give her.

"Hey, sit down for a minute, we need to talk about something," she said as she sat beside him and looked over the paper before signing it and giving it back.

"Am I in trouble?"

"No, of course not.," she said and took deep breath. "So, I talked with your dad today."

"You did?"

"Yeah, he's in town—I think he's moving back here. He'd really like to see you."

"Really?" he said, and Natalie saw a spark in those blue eyes suddenly appear.

"Yeah, are you ok with that?"

"Sure, I guess," he said with a shrug.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, not really. Can I go to my room?"

"Yeah, let me straighten up down here and I'll come in and tell you goodnight," she said as she watched him run up the steps, "Hey, Liam," she said as he made it to the top of the steps.

"Yeah, mom?" he said with a smile on his face.

"I love you."

"I love you too," he smiled and took off.

Natalie had to smile, he was so much like his dad that it was sometimes scary. Though he hadn't shown her much emotion she could tell he was excited, and maybe a part of her was excited as well.

When she made it upstairs to tell him goodnight he was already asleep, but next to him was a box that she hadn't seen in a while. She was surprised Liam even knew where or what it was.

It was simple stuff really—notes they'd left each other, a phone number written on a Rodi's napkin, a picture taken outside of Rodi's when she entered the forensics program. Better memories of her's and John's relationship through the years.

There was something missing, and that's when she noticed Liam had fallen asleep holding something. Opening his hand up she saw the charred remains of St Jude and felt a wave of emotion. Taking it from him, she said quietly, "Still making the impossible possible, huh?" and placed it back in the box.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Nice long chapter to start our weekend off. Hope everyone is still enjoying this one. Until next time-PCGirl.

* * *

Natalie walked down the hallway and knocked on the closed door, "Hey," she said as he opened it and let her into the small office he was apparently using at the station. "You are the talk of the water cooler this morning," she laughed and glanced at the board he'd already started making.

"Yeah, I tried to get in without too much fanfare, but you know," he shrugged.

"Thought you were done with the FBI. Was this your last case?"

"Yeah, it's still ongoing."

"That's not like you, John," she said and turned to look at him. He always worked a case til the end. "But then you obviously aren't stopping working on it if you are here and making a board on a case you have no jurisdiction on."

"Yeah, well-maybe I can help the guys," he said, wanting to take the attention off the case. "How is Liam?"

"Good. I told him you were in town last night. That you want to see him."

"Yeah? How'd that go."

"Just like his dad," she said and laughed when he tilted his head, confused at the comment. "Didn't say much to me in person."

"I hear a but in there."

"I went upstairs to tell him goodnight later, he had pulled out the box I keep mementos from our relationship in. Fell asleep holding the St Jude medal."

John gave her a half grin, "Still making the impossible possible?"

Natalie nodded and feeling an uneasy silence between the two of them looked back at the board. "So this case-you want to tell me about it?"

John gave a nod and walked up beside her studying the board, and what he wanted to tell her, "Three murders, all women. All in the Albany area."

"What else do they have in common?"

John sighed, he knew this was going to start an argument, "All are single mom's with a son between the age of six to eight."

The sound that came out was a strangled laugh, "And there we have it."

"Excuse me?"

"The reason you came back-it's not just for Liam. Damn it, John. I'm not one of your ghosts."

"Let's get some things straight here. First off, you've been a ghost since Hayes left you in the bottom of that pit. Nothing has changed, you are just the only one I was able to save. Second, excuse me for wanting to keep it that way."

"I can protect myself. I'll have you know I haven't had as much as a papercut since you left. And how do you even know he's going to come after me?"

Walking over to the board he pointed to the third picture, "This is Brett's niece. Brett did a news conference and then she ended up dead. Same M.O. as the first two."

"So, it's personal now," she said softly and felt a chill go down her spine. Half because she thought about how he lost Caitlyn because of a news conference he did, and the other because he hadn't mentioned what happened to the three boys that were now without their mothers. "What about the boys?"

"From what they've told us is he gives them a drink which must be laced with some sort of sedative. After killing the mom he takes the boys to their dad's house and leaves them there, asleep on the front steps. In one case he had access to a back yard and put them on a lawn chair to sleep it off.

"So please understand when I say I'd rather be here, watching out for you than Liam randomly showing up at my front door."

Natalie had to smile at him. There were moments you couldn't read him at all, and then there were times like this-with his eyes pleading with her to cooperate so she nodded, "Ok. How is he coming into contact with them?"

"Afterschool activities. Karate for one. Soccer practice for another."

"Liam's STEM group," she said and looked back at the board.

John nodded, "We're pretty sure he only gets custody of the kid during weekends and school holiday's. Each initial meet up has been during a school holiday, where his kid joins the group and the boys become friends. Then our suspect suggests to the mom they should have some sort of playdate. They get to the house he's rented through a third party, and the boy isn't there-but our suspect says he should be there soon. Offers the kid a drink, and well-that's it."

"So what can I do?"

John laughed, "You-Miss Head of Forensics-can go to work. I'm sure your squints down there are needing some assistance."

"Fine, but you aren't getting rid of me that easy, McBain," she said with a smile as she left and closed the door behind.

"I'm counting on it," he said to himself, smiling back at the closed door.

* * *

Natalie was surprised to see the office door open when she finished for the day. Walking in John was nowhere to be seen, but she noticed he'd added to the board-and a few comments with Aaron's or Craig's names beside them were to the side.

"Hey," he said and watched her jump as he walked up behind her. "Sorry-you done for the day?"

"Yeah, and I think you need to be as well. Learn to put it away at the end of day, McBain. You've got a son now."

"Yeah, I do," he said with a smile.

"How about we meet you for dinner? Rodi's for some burgers and pool—like old times?"

"Sounds great. See you in an hour," he said as she left and smiled at how easy they seemed to be sliding back into the same old rhythm.

* * *

John stood against the bar—he felt completely nervous and had no clue why. Well, he did—he hadn't seen his son in six years and was going to in a few minutes. Looking around he wondered if they should have met somewhere else the first time instead of in a public setting, but then seeing Natalie walk in the door he knew it was too late, "Hey," he said as he walked forward and saw her and Liam come in.

"Where is everyone? It's dinner time and the place is empty."

"I—I closed up shop for half an hour. Private party."

"Cool," said Liam with a smile. "I'm going to play something on the jukebox," he said and ran off.

"Well, he's easy to please."

"Like I said—just like his dad," said Natalie as she stood back and watched Liam make his choice and suddenly a jazz song came on and she started laughing.

"Let me go check on dinner," he said as he went back into the kitchen. Coming back a few minutes later he saw they had gotten a table, "You have any questions for me, Liam?"

"I—I guess where have you been."

"Working. But I'm back now, and I'm not going anywhere."

"Did you miss me when you were gone?"

"Every day, kid. You and your mom both," he said as he locked eyes with Natalie. "I'm sorry I wasn't here. Your mom told me you've been going to a STEM group though. Are you enjoying it?"

"Yeah," he said as his eyes lit up. "Yesterday we made this robot and then used a tablet to make it go through an obstacle course. Oh, mom—there was a new kid yesterday."

"Really," she said and gave John a side eye while dipping her fries in mustard.

"Yeah, he just moved here with his dad. It was weird—he told us his name was Nathan, but then his dad called him Ben," he said and then got back to questioning John. "Where are you living at?"

"I'm staying at Angel Square Hotel."

"I like that place. Sometimes I go there afterschool and Grandma Roxy lets me go up to the roof to do my homework. Have you ever been up there? You can see the whole city."

"Yeah, you can," he said as they continued to eat and Liam would ask questions every so often. When they finished up John nodded over to the pool table, "Can you play any?"

"Yeah. Mom always has to break though," he said as he jumped up and started racking the balls up.

When John came back from putting put their dishes he saw Natalie had started the game. He watched as Liam lined up the shot and suddenly heard a voice in his head from a forgotten memory

 _What do you think, Daddy? Side pocket._

Shaking his head he coughed-it had been a memory, and knew nothing would ever come of it. Mainly because she should be here already-just a few years younger than Liam. His red haired daughter who would probably have his whole heart at this point.

Natalie watched John, something had washed over him just then and she wondered exactly what it was. "Hey, you ok?"

"Yeah," he said with a smile as he watched Liam attempt to hit another ball.

"Hey bud, why don't you go in the back-I think there might be some ice cream," she said and watched Liam run into the kitchen. "Where'd you go just then?" she asked, turning her attention back to John.

"It doesn't matter, Natalie."

"I saw it just then-you were watching Liam play, and then you went somewhere in that head of yours. Where was it?"

"It doesn't matter," he repeated as he heard the kitchen door reopen and Liam come back out.

Staring John down wasn't going to work with a very observant seven year old around, so she dropped it, "Let's finish this game, Liam—it's a school night."

"Really? I was having fun."

"There will be other nights for fun, I promise."

"Fine, he said and aimed to hit the eight ball and sunk it in.

"Where'd you learn to shoot like that?" asked John with a grin.

"Mom, obviously," he said with a smile that matched his mom's.

* * *

John walked out onto the roof of the hotel and took in the evening air. It felt great to be back here-back in Llanview, where his family was.

Him and Natalie might not be together, but he wondered if maybe they still could have been. She'd been right the other night. If he'd just come home before they would have a few rocky months and work it out. And now-though tonight was great and felt almost normal, he wasn't sure if that's a road she wanted to go back down.

Hearing his phone ring snapped him out of his thoughts and he looked down to see her name pop up on the screen, "Hey,"

"Hey-are you busy?"

"No, just sitting on the roof watching the stars."

"Funny thing. So am I-well, on the back patio at the house. But still—watching the stars."

"You know—I wondered if you'd sell the house after I left. Didn't want to be in it anymore."

Natalie nodded, "I thought about it. I did move out for a few months after everything happened. But then-I realized this was the home we had talked about for Liam to grow up in. And it still was. So you want to tell me now what that look was earlier?"

"You aren't going to let this go, are you?"

"Nope."

John settled down on the brick wall, "When the accident happened I had this vision-or dream I guess. It was us playing pool at Rodi's with our kids. There was a boy about Liam's age. But there was a little girl there too, just a couple years younger, with red hair that looked just like her mom.

"Tonight I was watching Liam play and suddenly I heard that little girl's voice from the dream. Clear as day. I guess-it just caught me off guard. I always thought Liam was going to have a little sister."

"Yeah, me too," she said softly. "Anyways-I was calling you because I have a plan."

"For what?"

"To get this Ben or Nathan's picture. I figured we get one and sent it to Brett's nephew or one of the other boys so they can identify him."

"I don't think his dad will be all sure-take a picture of my son, Natalie."

"It doesn't have to be a close up shot. Besides, I think the Lord Foundation might want to make a donation to the Community Center STEM program tomorrow. And photo ops are always welcomed with the donor and the kids."

"Smooth, Banks."

"Thank you. I'm pretty resourceful when I need to be."

"Not going to argue that. If you do it-just be careful, ok? I can't be there—if he sees me he might realize he's been made. So this has to be all on you. Think you can handle it?"

"Definitely," she said. "I like this John—us working together again to bring down the bad guy. We work well together."

"Yeah, we do," he said and they let the silence between them go on for a few minutes before he finally broke it, "I'll let you go-see you at work tomorrow?"

"Yeah, goodnight John."

"Goodnight, Natalie."


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: In the good old days I'd hold this chapter ransom for something new to read. But, alas, that's not an option now. I'm feeling really good about this chapter. Enjoy! Until next time-PCGirl.

* * *

"Thanks again, Mom," said Natalie as she walked Vicki to the door of the community center after doing the check presentation and snapping a few pictures. It had been a few days since she'd given this idea to John and it seemed to work. She just hoped that one of the pictures would work and they'd know for sure if the boy was here.

"Anything for you, and for my grandson, he really does seem to enjoy it."

"He does-I always thought he'd take after his dad and want to be a detective."

"Speaking of father's-yours-."

"Mom, I really don't want to get into this. John is back-and Liam was so happy the other night when we hung out at Rodi's. Dad is just going to have to accept he's in our lives again."

"And how far into your life has he gotten already?"

Natalie couldn't help but smile, "We haven't talked about it really. I'm helping him with a case right now. I think we're both cautious about hurting Liam."

"I know you are, but you deserve happiness too, sweetie. Both of you. Your dad wants that too-he just has a different way of showing it."

"I guess so. Thanks again, mom," she smiled and walked back down the hallway. Stepping into the room she watched Liam working on making what looked like a catapult.

Feeling someone staring at her she looked over to see a man on the other side of the room. As he walked towards her the hairs on the back of her neck stood up, and she suddenly felt like she was not prepared for this.

"Hi-you must be Liam's mom. My boy is new here-that's him," he said, pointing to the blonde boy helping Liam. She wondered if he coached his boy into who to become friends with. And if so—how would the boy react when realizing it later that his dad used him as a pawn for his own sick game.

"Oh yes, hi. What was his name again?"

"Ben."

 _Bingo._ she thought to herself. "I'm really glad the community center has this type of thing for them, you know."

"Yeah, it's hard being a single parent-figuring out how to make work and home life mesh as one. What you must give up of yourself. This makes it easier-gives you a break for a couple hours a week."

"I guess so," she said, thinking how strange that statement was. "I really don't think of it as a break-more of letting my son explore things and figure out where his passion lies. Do you have a passion, Mr-?"

"Parker. You can just call me Parker."

"Ok," she said and was suddenly thanking whoever was calling her phone. "Excuse me-I need to take this."

She kept walking until she was down the hallway, every bone in her body was telling her to grab Liam and run. That this guy wasn't safe. She wondered if the other women had felt that way-if they had any warning signs before it was too late.

* * *

It was the banging on the door that woke John from a dead sleep. Looking at the clock he saw it read after 1 am and he wondered who it was at this hour.

"I'm coming," said John as he rubbed his eyes and walked across the room. Opening it, the last person he expected to see was Natalie leaning on the door. "Hey."

"Hi," she smiled and he knew that look from years ago. When they'd close up Rodi's and have too much alcohol afterwards.

"You didn't drive, did you?"

"No, silly. I walked," she said as she came into the room and wobbled towards the couch.

 _Thank goodness_ , he thought and closed the door behind him. "Where's Liam?"

"He's with his Aunt Jessica and Uncle Brody for the night. She'll take him to school in the morning."

John nodded, though he had a feeling it wasn't normal for her to do that on a school night. He also felt it wasn't normal for her to drink the amount of alcohol he assumed she had, "Why don't you sit down?"

"Uhm, ok," she said and plopped herself down.

John had to smile at taking her in-he always thought she was beautiful, but with her hair pulled partially up and the slinky blue top that made her eyes pop even more she looked absolutely gorgeous. Almost like she was wanting someone to notice her.

He sat as well, but left space because he wasn't sure being close to her right now was a good idea. He wondered what exactly happened to make her go out drinking the way she did and end up here, "You ok?"

"I'm great. I met him today."

"Him? Who?"

"The killer," she said leaning towards him and speaking in a whisper as if it were a secret and there were others that could hear.

 _Crap._ This was bad-he'd hoped she'd be able to handle this, handle the idea of being a victim again. She'd seem to be fine earlier when she forwarded him the pictures she'd taken, but obviously that wasn't the case, "Ok, well me and the guys will take it from here."

"No," she pouted. "I'm-I'm not going to let him take Liam away from me."

"Nobody is going to take Liam away," he said as he thought _It's you I'm worried about._ "But bringing you in was obviously a bad idea. So we'll figure out a new plan."

"Like what?" she asked and got closer to him. She was like a drug-intoxicating, and her getting closer wasn't helping.

"I don't know," he said and pushed back a piece of hair that had fallen out of its confines. His fingers touching her face sent an electric current through his body. It was something he'd longed for over the past six years, something that used to be as critical as breathing. "Natalie," he said, his voice having a warning tone to it.

"Don't you want me?" she asked and brought her mouth near his.

"Natalie," he said, pushing her back while every fiber in his being was screaming to do the opposite.

"You don't love me anymore? Is there someone back in Albany?"

"No," he laughed, "But I am completely sober here and you are-not."

"You used to like me when I got like this-said it turned you on," she said and crawled onto his lap and straddled him. "Is that not true anymore?"

"Oh, it's still true, sweetheart," he said with a hearty laugh. "And the only thing I want to do right now is make love to you, but we will both regret it in the morning. So let's get you to bed," he said as he was able to move her off his lap so he could get up and then steered her towards the bed.

"Will you sleep with me?" she said as she got under the covers.

John looked over at the couch, he should say no-should just put her to bed and get on the couch, but he couldn't find it in himself to do that. "Yeah," he said as he went to find a blanket in the closet and got on top of the covers.

As he laid down Natalie rolled into him and nestled her head into his shoulder. "John?' she said sleepily.

"Yeah?"

"Do you know where she is?"

"She?" he asked, confused at the question.

"St Dwynwen. I looked for her the other night, she wasn't in the box and I can't find her."

John gave a half smile at who she was talking about, "Yeah, I've got her."

"Good. I was worried we'd lost her," she sighed and was quickly out.

John looked over at the bedside table where the medal normally would stay. No matter the case or the circumstances she was always nearby. A memory of lost dreams and true loves, something he would pull out when he was missing Natalie and Liam more than normal.

But when he was going into a situation where he thought his life was on the line she was slipped into his pocket. There to protect him, so if something were to happen he'd have her close by. And if the worst case scenario happened that maybe it would get back to Natalie-that in the end she had been there beside him.

Looking over at her, the woman that held his heart for so long he kissed her forehead. He hadn't planned on tonight to end like this-but it felt right. Felt normal. And has he fell back asleep he knew this was the best place to be.

* * *

 _Too bright_ , is all Natalie thought as she began to wake up. And then she felt the throbbing in her head. What had she done last night? She'd gone to Rodi's-and then-John's.

"Oh God," she said out loud and opened her eyes slowly. She was in his bed. Looking down she at least was relieved to see she was still fully clothed. Sitting up slowly she called out for him and looked over to see a cup of water, a bottle of Tylenol, and a note on the table next to her.

 _N,_

 _Headed into the station. Thought you might need these. See you later._

 _J_

She smiled as she took the Tylenol. He knew how far gone she was last night, and still-he had been a gentleman and not pulled anything. Trying to remember what exactly she may have said to him she closed her eyes and remembered climbing onto his lap.

"Oh God," she repeated and then was stopped by her cell phone ringing. Getting up to get it she saw her sister's name pop up, "Hello?"

"Hey-where are you? You ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. What's up?"

"I just saw your car at Rodi's-but they aren't open yet for lunch yet."

Natalie laughed, "I-I uhm left it there last night."

"Liam left something at the house and we had to get it before going to school. You didn't sleep there either did you?"

"No," she confessed and walked to the bathroom to try and figure out something to do with her hair.

Jessica now knew the answer and laughed, "You are at John's, aren't you?"

Natalie groaned, "Yes, and what's so funny about that?"

"Brody and I made a bet last night. I said that you'd end up there, he said no way."

"Glad you find this so amusing. But you'll be glad to know nothing happened-despite my apparently very drunk advances."

"When you dropped Liam off last night I could tell your mind was in a bad place. I'm just glad John was there to help you out."

"Thanks, Jess. I guess I need to go do the walk of shame back to the car and hope I don't run into Roxy in the process."

* * *

It was after lunch when Natalie finally made it to the station. All she kept thinking was she was too old for that crap. She'd wanted to take a mental health day but knew there was paperwork to do and other things to sign off on. She should have avoided him-but felt like it would be better to apologize now than to let it linger awkwardly. Making it to the office she was greeted by someone else, "Oh-is John around?"

"Him and Craig went to pick up some lunch. You must be Natalie," said the sandy haired gentleman and put out his hand to shake. "I'm Aaron."

"Hi. Wow-that was quick."

Aaron nodded, "We got word from Brett that it was the same kid this morning. We just got here. And I hear them now."

Natalie turned to see the two walking towards her with to go boxes from Rodi's, "Hey."

"Hey," he said with a smile. "Natalie-this is Craig, and you've met Aaron."

"Nice to meet you."

Craig smiled, "I owe you an apology. I thought John was crazy when he thought you would be in danger from this guy. But luckily Irish knows his stuff and we can catch this ass hole before he does any more harm."

"Thank you," she said with a shy smile.

"And he's also an idiot to ever let you go," he laughed.

"I'm-I'm going to go to work. We'll talk later," she said, giving John a nod and leaving the room.

As John closed the door and looked back he saw a look between the two other men, "What."

"I'm-just that was faster than I expected is all," grinned Aaron.

"Expected what?"

"You and Natalie. That's all."

"There-," he stopped after the first word. "Nothing has happened. We're parents to Liam. That's it."

"Uh huh. Sure, McBain. Whatever you say," laughed Craig as they started working on the board.


	6. Chapter 6

John put his head into Bo's office, "Hey-you got a few?"

All day he'd been thinking of last night-of Natalie being so upset at seeing the killer that she found the bottom of a bottle first instead of him. Bo knew her better than anyone-and he knew he could help come up with something to help calm her nerves. They could go on with catching the guy without her-but it would make it a lot easier if she was on board.

"Sure," he said, feeling normalcy again at seeing John around. At first he was unsure about him being back-but it was good, and it seemed like John had his priorities together. "I saw two new guys earlier-FBI?"

"Yeah, Craig and Aaron. We made confirmation on the guy this morning-and he made contact with Natalie yesterday, apparently."

"Oh," said Bo as he leaned back in his chair. "You ok with that?"

John shrugged, "It's the job. It's why I came back because some sort of sixth sense told me where he was going to strike next. It's Natalie who isn't ok with it."

"What happened?"

"I don't know. We haven't talked about it-but afterwards she needed some liquid courage. Bo-She's the strongest person I know-I've watched her mourn two husbands, stare down serial killers and survive psychopaths. I know she can do it-I just need an idea of how to get her calm and focused."

"It's been a long time since any of that has happened John. A lot has changed. And almost all of that was before Liam was around."

John nodded, "Last night she said she was worried about losing Liam."

"Then let's take him out of the equation."

John chuckled, "And how do we do that?"

* * *

John walked into BE-him and Bo had worked out a plan to help Natalie. It involved multiple people so they split it up between the two of them. John knew he needed to come by here anyways, so he offered to take this part.

"Lovett," he called out and watched as Brody turned around. Bo had clued John in on what had happened while he was gone—after kidnapping Liam before Bo didn't think it was a good idea to be on the force but had suggested he take on the head of BE security.

"Hey-heard you were in town. You sure are brave coming around here."

John grinned, "I'm heading there next, but first we need to talk-about Natalie and Liam."

* * *

As the elevator dinged with each floor he thought maybe he shouldn't handle this now. Brody had laughed and called him either the bravest man he knew or the dumbest, and he was starting to agree with him.

Walking into the waiting area he smiled at the girl behind the desk, "Hi-I'm here to see Clint Buchanan."

"Do you have an appointment?"

"No," he shook his head and kept his hands in his pockets. "Tell him John McBain is here to see him."

"Ok," she said and picked up the receiver. At her saying his name John could hear a barrage of noise coming from the other side and he couldn't help but having a slight grin on his face. "Uhm, he'll see you now," she said nervously as she hung up the phone.

Opening the door John realized he should have checked with Brody on if Clint had a gun in his office.

"You have some damn nerve showing up here, McBain."

"What? In your office or in Llanview in general?"

"Both. I'm not going to let my daughter or grandson be hurt by you again."

"Good. Because they aren't going to be. But then they never would have if you hadn't seen it in their best interest to put a false restraining order out against me. So from where I'm standing I think you are the one who should be embarrassed Clint, not me."

"You were the one floozing it up with some hussy while your child and the woman you supposedly loved were waiting back at home for you. I've nothing to be embarrassed by."

"Because that's the Buchanan way, right? Never admit to your wrong doings and take down anyone that stands in your way," he laughed, wondering how Bo could be so opposite of his brother.

"Natalie and I are good-and we're going to get better. You can accept it or not-I don't really care," he said and turned and left before Clint could try and get the last word in.

* * *

Walking up the walkway John remembered the first time they'd seen this house. How they had fallen in love with it and the dreams they had placed here.

He also remembered the last time he was here. Holding that damn picture of him and Sam, heading back to Port Charles hell bent on killing Manning. He wished he could go back and tell that John to turn around, sit down, and wait. That by leaving he would be missing out on so many dreams and memories.

John knocked on the door and heard the running of footsteps before it opened, "Oh-hey," said Liam and he ran back upstairs.

"What was that about?" he asked, watching Natalie come down with a bag in her hands and place it by the front door.

"Apparently since school is out next week Brody and Matthew have decided to take Liam, Ryder, and Drew up to the mountains for an impromptu camping trip. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"

John grinned, "It was Bo's idea."

"Ya'll are making plans for my son without me?"

John heard the horn honk and then the rumbling of feet again. Liam was almost to the door when Natalie made a grunting sound.

"Sorry mom," he said and ran back to give her a kiss and a hug.

"You be good for Brody and Matthew, ok? And have fun-I'm going to miss you," she said as she stole another hug.

"I will-hey, Dad-do you want to come too?"

John felt his heart speed up at being called Dad, "I've got some stuff to work on, but I'll try to get up there as soon as I can. If not this trip then we'll go again soon, ok?"

"Ok, bye," he said and went running out the door, grabbing his bag as he went.

Natalie stood in the doorway to make sure he got into Brody's truck safely before turning back to John, "So spill it. Why did you three-or four if you include Matthew-decide to get our son out of town?"

John put his hands on her shoulders, "Because it will put your mind at ease. He's now safely with an LPD detective and the head of BE security, who also happens to be a former police officer and Navy SEAL. Nothing is going to happen to him.

"Do you want to tell me why you decided last night to drink as hard as you did?"

Natalie sighed and sat down on the arm of the couch, "I met the guy-after Mom left and he was just standing there watching me. Then he came over and introduced himself as the dad. Said to call him Parker."

John nodded his head back and forth in thought, "Could be a first or last name."

"Or a red herring."

"What else?"

"He started rambling about being a single parent. Just creeped me out."

"Would it have creeped you out still if you didn't know the whole picture?"

"Probably not."

John brushed her hair back out of her face, "In all the years I've known you I've only seen you scared of one thing-losing Liam."

"And you."

John nodded, "When I was talking with Bo earlier I mentioned having witnessed you go through serial killers, dead husbands, and psychopaths. You've never had that reaction afterwards. It scared me."

Natalie grinned, "John McBain scared?"

"Just of losing you. And Liam. So we thought if we took him out of the equation-if we put him somewhere you knew he would be safe that maybe we could get this guy with your help. If you don't want to that's fine-I told Aaron and Craig we might need a plan B, just in case."

"No, I want to help."

"Good," he smiled. "Now should we talk about what else happened last night?"

Natalie covered her face with her hands, "I am so embarrassed, John."

"Hey," he said as he pulled her hands down and kept a hold of them. "Don't be. I-I wanted you too last night, Natalie. But I also wanted you to be fully aware of your actions. No regrets."

"How noble of you," she laughed.

"Let's get through this first. And then we can figure out the rest, ok?"

"Ok. What are your plans for the night? Need to get back to the station?"

"No, Aaron and Craig went and checked into the Angel Square Hotel. I wanted to make sure you were ok so we called it a night."

Natalie laughed, "I can only imagine what Roxy said when she saw the two of them. How about I order us a pizza and you can look through old pictures of Liam. Or just sit and say nothing—like old times. I'm not sure I want to be alone tonight, John."

"Sounds perfect. And I will be here as long as you want me to," he said and they got quiet.

"I'm—going to call that pizza in," laughed Natalie, wondering exactly where his mind had been just then.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Ok, so I admit it-I'm a little evil at where I ended this chapter. Next chapter is pretty much done, but won't be posted til next week sometime. Until next time-PCGirl.

* * *

Natalie slid into the booth at the diner to wait on Jessica. Last night had been nice-her and John had sat up for a long time going through photo albums. Recollecting all the stories he'd missed of Liam. He'd taken the couch overnight and had gone back to the hotel to get a shower and changed before going to meet with the guys.

"Good morning-how was singledom last night?' smiled Jessica as she slipped into the seat across. She had a feeling Natalie wasn't alone last night, and was hopeful for some juicy gossip—her sister deserved happiness, and knew it was John that brought that.

"It was nice," she said, not wanting to get into the details.

"Do you want to tell me why our boys and my husband went on a sudden camping trip with Matthew and Drew?"

Natalie laughed, "I-It has to do with the case I'm helping John with. It was better for Liam to not in town."

"For him?"

"No, for me," she said as she began recounting the story. She was almost done when she stopped talking and began staring off towards the door.

Jessica followed Natalie's gaze and saw a man that had walked up to the counter to pick up a to go order. "That's him?"

"Yeah," she said quietly, but didn't feel as scared as she was the other day. She actually felt more confident. "Parker," she called and watched as he turned to see her.

"Hi," he said. "I was hoping we'd run into each other," he said as Natalie saw the look Jessica gave her, thankful the way Jessica was sitting he couldn't see her face.

"Yeah?"

"Ben was talking about not knowing a lot of kids yet, being new and all. Would it be ok if Liam came over and they hung out-give him a chance to really get to know him."

"Sure. Here-write down your address," she said as she pulled out a piece of paper and a pen. "What time would you like to meet? Liam's pretty open today."

"Will 3 work for you?"

Natalie thought for a moment-that would give them six hours-that should be enough time, "Sounds perfect. See you then."

Jessica waited until she heard the door close before leaning forward, "Are you crazy? This is bad-I-I think Brody should come back and help out with this."

"No, he's doing what John and I need him to do-and that's protect Liam." She laughed at the thought—years ago, right after finding out his true paternity she wouldn't have let him be in the same room as Liam. When Brody had Jessica had gotten back together it was awkward—but they'd found middle ground and came to a mutual respect for the other.

"And what about you-who is protecting you while you walk into a room with a serial killer without her child with her. One that he's expecting to have for a supposed playdate that doesn't exist," she hissed out, leaning forward so no one else could hear her but her sister.

"John."

Jessica sighed and nodded, leaning back against the cushion. Vegas. Haver. Barber. Being pushed off the roof by Marty. In each of these cases John was somehow connected to the start of the problem. And each one he had come through for Natalie, "I know, and I know protecting you is what he does best. Just-as soon as you have cuffs on this guy I want you to call me-ok?"

"I will-and we'll all be fine."

* * *

John walked down the hallway and knocked on Natalie's office door before entering, "You ready?" he asked as he came in and saw her pulling her shirt over a bullet proof vest.

"Yeah," she said and then pulled her hair back. John had surprised her with how calm he was when she told him she took the initiative and set up the meeting before checking with him. She'd been waiting for a _Damn it, Natalie_ , but it hadn't come. Maybe because they were past that point. Maybe it was because he was trusting her to make the right moves.

"Good. The guys are already over in the neighborhood. But first, I need to do something," he said as he walked over to her. Leaning down he let his lips brush hers-just enough to taste her and then smiled. "Did that calm any nerves?"

"Yours or mine?" she smiled at him.

"Both, I guess," he laughed and then went into serious mode. "Ok, so I'll ride with you and you drop me off near the front of the street. Just keep him talking. Remember Craig is going to be at the back door in case he runs that way. Aaron will come through the kitchen. And I'll come through the front door. We aren't going to let anything happen to you. If this goes just the way we discussed it should be over in a few minutes."

Natalie noticed something in his body language, something she normally didn't see, "Hey, look at me," she said, placing her hand on his chest, feeling his heart racing, and waited until she had his full attention. "This isn't Las Vegas. Or Steven Haver. Or Hayes Barber. Nothing is going to happen-no worries, ok?"

"I know," he said as he ran his finger down her cheek before kissing her softly. Letting her walk in front of him out the door he placed his hand on the small of her back as she led the way to the car.

* * *

She took a deep breath before ringing the door bell. Looking around she didn't see anyone-if Craig and Aaron were already on the property they were doing a good job at hiding.

Hearing footsteps from inside she smiled as he opened the door. "Hi," he said, looking around and not seeing Liam.

"Hey-Can I come in?" she asked and was welcomed in. "Listen-I know Liam was supposed to come today, but I'd really like to get to you know a little better first. Is that ok? Will Ben be upset?"

"No, he-he actually isn't here right at the moment, but will be shortly. Can I get you some water?" he asked as he took a cup off the back table and began to grab an unopened bottle of water.

"No, thank you though," she said and put it in the back of her mind to have the cup tested later.

"So what exactly do you want to know about me?" he asked, sitting on the arm of the chair, his arms crossed in a defensive stance.

"You know the basics," she shrugged, letting the question flow over her. "Where are you from originally? What do you do for a living? What your full name is?"

"What the hell does that have to do with our kids being friends?"

"It has everything. I'm not letting my child be around someone that I know nothing about. Someone who just randomly drops into town with no backstory. So if you really want our sons to become _friends_ then I suggest you start explaining yourself."

"Explaining myself?" he laughed, and she realized she'd hit the trigger point. "You women are all alike. You think just because you bring them into this world you get to decide who they see and don't see."

"I'm not doing that, trust me. But I need to know who my child is around. Is there anything wrong with that?"

"Is that why your son doesn't see his father? Because you don't trust him? Don't think he's good enough for Liam?"

"This has nothing to do with Liam or his father. This has to do with you and what you've already put your child through."

"Don't tell me what you think I've put my child through. I wouldn't have done this if they had given me custody," he said as he reached in between the cushion and side of the couch and pulled out a gun.

Natalie took a deep breath-she'd been expecting it but expecting it and having a gun in your face were two different things. "You don't want to do this."

"Don't tell me what I don't want to do."

"How are you going to look your son in the eye when he's older? Do you realize what this will do to him when he realizes his dad used him to make friends so he could destroy their lives? He's just a kid, Parker. He doesn't deserve to have his life destroyed as well-because it will."

"No-no. Shut up," he said as he started waving the gun around.

"Hey-why don't we sit and talk? Like normal parents. Can you do that for me?" she asked, trying to remain calm.

When asked later the exact chain of events she wasn't sure which happened first. She saw Craig standing at the edge of the patio, looking into the living room for a second and making eye contact briefly. Then there was the click of the trigger and John jumping in front of her. Where he'd come from she wasn't sure. When he'd pulled the gun out she thought she'd heard someone in the kitchen area but had assumed it was Aaron. Maybe it wasn't-maybe it had been John all along.

As she watched him fall she heard a crash from the patio doors breaking open, but didn't see it, already on the floor, rolling John over and instantly putting pressure on the wound, "John! Hey-stay with me! Stay with me!" she yelled, wondering how many times he'd yelled those words to her in a moment of fear. She remembered when Jared was shot—the fear that consumed her at losing him. She couldn't let this have the same outcome, so she pushed it as far down as possible.

Seeing his eyes open and the clear blue of them lock with hers she released the breath she'd been holding and smiled. "Hey. I'm here," she said as she continued with the pressure and looked over to see Aaron on the phone, saying officer down. It was semantics really-he wasn't a cop at the moment, but once a cop always a cop. Scanning the room she didn't see Craig and wondered where him and Parker were at.

"Natalie."

She barely heard her name. It was so soft and not like his normal tone at all. "The ambulance is on the way-we're pretty close to the hospital. Just hang on for me, ok? Hang on for me and Liam."

"Natalie-I lo-."

"No! You don't get to say that to me. Not now. Not like this," she shouted and couldn't hold back the fear anymore. "John-please," she cried as she turned to see Aaron had left the house to wait for the ambulance.

Leaning down she pressed her lips to his, feeling his press back for a moment, then heard Aaron's footsteps running back inside, "The cavalry is here."

"See-you'll be ok," she said as she pulled back and noticed his eyes weren't focusing on her anymore, but instead behind her. "John," she said quietly and looked behind her, expecting see someone standing there and wondered what he was looking at.

"Dad," was all he replied in a whisper.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: In all my stories Michael is always played by Nathaniel Marston. And I'm taking a soap opera move and what should be a 7 hour flight from Seattle to Llanview doesn't take half that much time.

* * *

Natalie wiped her eyes again after getting off the phone with Jessica. She was on her way with a change of clothes-looking down to see her's stained dark red. Some good her wearing a vest did-she wasn't the one that had needed it.

Taking a deep breath she looked through her phone until she found the number she needed to call next. How was she going to tell him? How did she find the words again?

"Hey Nat," smiled Michael on the phone as he answered it. "I've been meaning to call you-Liam sent a message the other night to Gabe. Is my good-for-nothing brother really back in town?" When he didn't get a response he looked at the phone to make sure the call hadn't been disconnected. "Natalie?"

"Mike," she whimpered. She rarely called him that-normally it was John that used that nickname, but at the moment it made some odd sort of sense. "He's been shot."

"What? John?" he asked as he closed the file he'd been looking over and tossed it towards the nurse.

"I-I can't breathe," she sobbed and found her way to a chair.

"Hey-deep breaths, kid. Come on, that's it," he said as he did it along with her while going towards the doctor's lounge of his hospital. "Tell me slowly what happened."

"He-he came back for this case. I was helping him trap a killer-and he jumped in front of the damn bullet."

"That sounds like my brother," he said, trying to make a joke but falling short, as he threw his lab coat into his locker and slammed the door.

"He's in surgery right now. I-I think he saw your dad."

Michael leaned his head back against the locker, "I'm getting off the phone with you and checking flight times. Is someone with you? Where's Liam?"

"John's partner Aaron is here and Jess is on the way. Liam is on a camping trip with Ryder and Drew. John had Brody and Matthew take him out of town-so I could focus on helping him. Please don't let Gabe find out-I haven't told Liam yet. How do I tell him, Michael?"

"You aren't going to have to-I know my brother. He's gonna fight on that table with all his might until he comes back to you."

* * *

John walked into the bright white room and blinked-it was blinding him. Realizing where he was he began shouting, "No! No! This can't be right."

"I'm afraid it is, Johnny."

Turning around slowly he saw his dad standing there, "I can't Dad. Not yet. I've got too many things I still need to do."

"Sometimes we have things that just have to be left unfinished son. I'm sorry."

"No-I have my own son now. I told him I was going to take him camping. And Natalie-we never got it right-most of it's on me, but I want to get it right. I want her to be Mrs McBain."

Thomas nodded, he remembered standing in his son's shoes years ago, begging and pleading to return to his own family, "I'm sorry-you had your chance. It's time."

* * *

Bo walked into the waiting room of the hospital and looked around. He'd been expecting to see Natalie curled up in a chair, but instead saw her sister, "Jess," he said softly.

"Oh, Uncle Bo," she said as she jumped up and went to hug him.

"Where's Nat?" he asked. He'd been at the scene observing the techs as they did their job. They were making sure everything was by the book-leaving nothing to chance that the case could be thrown out. There'd been a lot of blood, and he wondered how John could survive.

"She went to change-I brought her some clothes," she said and looked past him to see Natalie walk in the room.

"Bo," she said as she ran in for a hug and let the tears begin all over again. "How are the tech's doing? Do I need to go supervise?"

Bo shook his head, she was still in forensic mode-trying to focus on anything else instead of the potential outcome of John's surgery, "No, they have a great boss who has trained them well."

Natalie tried to refresh her memory, "There was a cup on a table-it looked empty, but he asked me if I wanted a drink. I think we should test it."

"I'll send Miller a text and make sure they grab it. How are you doing?"

Natalie sighed as she took a seat, "I'm just-I can't lose him Bo. I know we've been apart all this time, but-."

"You won't," he said as he pulled something out of his pocket and held it in his palm "One of the technicians found this at the scene. I believe it belongs to you."

A smile touched her lips as she took it from him, the ribbon soaked the same deep red as her clothes and sticky to the touch. "It's John's actually. I didn't know he still had her."

"He carried it with him when we went into a situation like today," interupted Aaron as he walked up the two. "It was something he'd do that was as second nature as breathing-right before going in he'd take it out of his pocket, flip it a few times in his hands and slip it back in. I watched him do it today before we entered the house."

Natalie felt the tears pricking her eyes, "She's St Dwynwen, who asked God to look kindly on the hopes and dreams of true lovers. I gave it to him after the accident-to replace St Jude."

Bo put his arm around his niece, pulling her in so her head fell onto his shoulder, "He came back to you before, Natalie. He will this time too."

* * *

"John, I'm not the only one here to help you cross over," spoke Thomas McBain as he turned his son around and motioned for someone to come out.

John had to rub his eyes to make sure they weren't playing tricks on him, "Caitlin," he whispered as she smiled and walked up to him.

"Hello, John," she said as she touched his face and he felt a wave of emotion roll through him.

"I'm sorry," he said as he pulled her into a hug. "I was the reason you got shot. It was my fault you died."

"It doesn't matter now. Don't be sad-we're together again."

John pushed her back slowly-he remembered always treating her more delicately than he ever did Natalie. He wondered why it was-maybe because he knew Natalie was strong and didn't break-though he wondered if that would be the case if he couldn't get back to her this time, "It doesn't change anything."

"John."

"No, see-there's someone in my life. Natalie," he said, a smile appearing on his face as he said her name.

"I've peeked in on you a few times-I like her. You two work well together," smiled Caitlin.

"Yeah, we do," he grinned back. "After you died-I stopped living. Stopped letting anyone into my life for fear of hurting them. But Natalie-," he said with a chuckle. "She wouldn't take that as an excuse and broke down the walls. Not just those, but the ones I put up because of you too," he said turning to look at his dad. "I wouldn't be who I am today without her. She saved me and I have to get back to her."

"It's not that easy John."

"Please," he begged and began feeling the tears coming out. "I'll do whatever I need to do. But I need to get back to my family. We keep screwing it up and it's my fault. I love her-and I love our son. I know love isn't enough-but I want to grow old with her and watch Liam grow up too-get to do things with him I never got to with my dad because he was taken too soon.

"Do you remember the dreams we had, Cait? When we'd talk about our future-where we wanted to be in five, ten, fifteen years? That's what I have with Natalie now-dreams of a future. I've been holding onto them in my head for too long-let me go back so I can make them a reality. Please."

He watched as Caitlin's brown eyes filled with tears and she looked back at his dad for guidance. He'd put it all out there-said everything he felt he could say to sway their decision. Now he just had to wait.

* * *

Natalie sat in the chair just staring off-it'd been hours since this had all began. But if she closed her eyes she was back in that room-hearing that gunshot and seeing John fall. Seeing him start to fade as the paramedics came in and Aaron pulling her off so they could try and save him. And now she was sitting in the waiting room alone, lost in her thoughts.

Bo had gone back to the scene to make sure everything was good. Jessica had gone to do something for Bree. And Aaron-she thought he had gone to call Brett and check to make sure Craig was ok with getting James Parks, the man's real name, settled into an LPD holding cell and get the paperwork rolling for extradition.

Her mom had said she'd come sit with her until Michael showed up or there was news, but she'd told her it was ok. She didn't want anyone hovering over her, and she knew if her mom showed up her dad would come as well. Clint Buchanan was not someone she wanted to hear from right now. He'd give her sympathy, she knew that, but also that he would put a snide remark in there about John. And John didn't need negativity right now as he laid on the operating table.

If this was the end-if he didn't make it she wouldn't be able to stop herself from lashing out at her father. He didn't cause the beginning of the rift between her and John, but him creating that restraining order made it a much wider chasm for them to cross back then. A chasm that one of them didn't even know existed until it was too late and the other was elbow deep back into the FBI.

Hearing footsteps she watched as Aaron returned with fresh coffee, "Thought you might want this."

"Thanks," she said, though she really had no appetite. "What's your nickname? And Brett's?"

"Hmm?" he asked as he took a sip.

"I need a distraction. I know Craig is Mouth, and John is Irish. What are you two?"

Aaron smiled and slightly blushed, "I'm Romeo. And Brett is Rooster."

Taking Aaron in she could see why-the sandy blonde hair, hazel eyes, and a smile that lit up the room-he was definitely swoon worthy-if that was your type. "Explain Rooster."

"Morning person," he grinned. "And loud. Oh so loud. I don't know how his wife Becky puts up with him."

He was quiet a moment before speaking, "Want to know a secret?"

"Sure," she nodded, glad to continue this distraction.

"I was originally supposed to be the undercover agent for the Walker Flynn case. That was until they realized I can't play pool worth a crap."

Natalie laughed out loud-and thinking for a moment how different everything else would have turned out.

Hearing footsteps she looked at the door, expecting a nurse or doctor to come with news and instead saw Michael standing there. "Michael," she whispered as she ran towards him and was pulled into one of his huge bear hugs. They said nothing, just stood there quietly, holding each other up and letting the tears fall for a few minutes until they heard a cough behind them.

"Are you all here waiting on John McBain?" asked the doctor as he stood there quietly.

Michael turned himself around, his hands on Natalie's shoulders, ready to catch her if she began to fall at the news, "Yes, I'm Dr Michael McBain his brother-and this is Natalie Banks. How is he?" he asked as they both held their breath.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Wow. One more of this puppy and we are done. I feel like I need to give a thank you. Thank you to anyone who has wrote a story of our couple in the past. If you've written something Jolie related chances are I've read it over the past month. It's helped the muse so much. And though this is almost over the muse has been interested in wrapping up a couple older fics. And possibly a (gasp) Joliday fic in December. Yes-you have to wait til December, but it is really pretty much complete now. Ok, enough of the jabbering. Let's get on with the show. Until next time-ya'll are the best-PCGirl.

* * *

The first thing John heard was the beeping of machines and realizing he was alive took a sigh of relief. He'd made it.

Opening his eyes he looked over and saw Natalie asleep in a chair, a hospital blanket draping over her. Watching her he was reminded how peaceful she looked sleeping and how much he loved watching her sleep.

Adjusting himself in the bed he was hit with a wave of pain, a groan breaking the silence and watched her wake up. "Hey."

"Welcome back," she smiled as she got up and stretched. Her and Michael had been taking turns-each sitting a couple hours while the other tried to get some sleep back at the house. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I got hit by a bus," he said softly, it hurt to talk, but he felt like he needed to. "Are you ok?"

"No-not really. John-you took a bullet for me."

John gave a slight smirk, "Didn't I once say I'd take a lot for you."

"Don't joke-you could have died," she said as she felt the tears start up and wiped her face.

"I'm ok-I promise. Come here," he said as he tapped his knuckles on the bed. The pain was excruciating as he lifted his hand to take hers.

"I didn't exactly have a choice-Liam needs you in his life."

Natalie shook her head, "And not his dad? He deserves to have two parents in his life."

John nodded, "I know he does. I saw my dad, Natalie."

"I thought so. Right as the paramedics arrived you said his name."

John kept his eyes closed as he spoke, knowing he couldn't stop her tears right now, not the way he wanted to, "He told me it was time to go-and then I saw Caitlin. She likes you, by the way," he said, a slight smile appearing on his face as he looked over at her.

"Glad to hear it," she laughed, giving him a weak smile.

"I begged them to let me come back-not just for Liam, but for you also. That we never completed our dreams. That I'd been holding onto them for so long and never got to see them happen. Can we finally get it right, Natalie?"

Natalie smiled, reaching up with her free hand and pushing some hair out of his face, "Yeah. We don't have any other choice, do we?"

"I guess not."

Feeling a sudden awkwardness, she squeezed his hand and got up off the chair, "I'm-I'm going to go call Michael. Tell him you are awake, so he can let your mom know. I'll be back."

"Ok," he said, surprised at her wanting to get away from him. "Natalie," he said as she was almost out the door.

"Yeah?" she turned and looked back at him.

"I love you."

Natalie gave him a soft smile before leaving, "Same here."

* * *

Natalie had been sitting on the couch for close to an hour when Michael walked down the steps and saw her, "Hey. Why didn't you wake me? I would have come relieved you at the hospital."

She couldn't make eye contact with him and just shook her head, "You needed sleep. And I needed to think. John's awake."

"That's great," he said as he made his way around the couch and looked at her. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said as she fiddled with her hands.

"I know you, Nat. I also know that look-what did my brother do?"

Natalie laughed as she ran her hands over her face, "Nothing. He woke up-told me he came back for us to continue our dreams, and that he loved me."

"That's a problem?"

"I just don't think I can do this again, Michael."

"Which part?"

"The recovery," she said as she got up and started pacing. "Last time was so hard-and I put so much of myself into it. And for what? I lost myself and him-I can't do that again. I know exactly who I am now without him-a mother to an amazing science-loving boy and head of the LPD forensic department. I don't want to lose either of those parts of me this time."

"You won't."

She laughed, "Do you need a fresher of last time? How you actually thought Marty was a better fit for John in the end?"

Michael grinned, "It wasn't my best moment. I had other things I was worried about. And I know he's a horrible patient-."

"That's an understatement," she interjected. "Two nights ago we sat here and looked through photo albums of Liam. I was thinking we could go down that road again-slowly, carefully, not just for Liam, but for us as well-but then today I was reminded that has never been our way of doing anything."

"Talk about an understatement," mumbled Michael to himself.

Shooting Michael a look she ignored the comment and kept going, "I just need to know where my head is before I see John again."

Michael smiled at her and walked over, holding her shoulders, "As a doctor I the perfect antidote for this. Go upstairs. Take a relaxing bath. Maybe a nice glass of wine. Take as much time as you need—he's obviously not going anywhere for a bit. You'll figure it out-you always do."

Natalie smiled at him-he always had the best advice, "Where are you going?"

"To go see my brother."

"Are you going to tell him about this conversation?"

"Yep. Because he needs to hear it. Whatever you decide is your decision, but he needs to be reminded of what he lost before. I'll see you around, kid."

"Bye, Mike," she said and showed him out before going and taking what he prescribed for her.

* * *

John heard the ICU door slide open and was hoping it was Natalie coming back. He was wanting to give into the meds and go to sleep, but he needed to talk with her first. The way she'd left-he knew something else was wrong, not just the gunshot, but something deeper. Instead it was his brother coming in, "Hey Mike."

"Hey Johnny. How are you feeling?"

"Like I've been shot. Again." he said and tried to adjust in the bed without cursing.

"You taken any pain meds?" he asked and John replied with a simple nod. "I'm impressed-considering we usually have to shove them down your throat. You are lucky John."

"I know," he said and closed his eyes and tried to relax. "Did Natalie talk with you? She seemed to want to get away from me pretty fast earlier."

Michael sighed, "Yeah. She's scared John."

"Of what-losing me? I'm going to be fine."

"No, of losing herself. She keeps thinking of everything after the accident. You can't do that again Johnny."

"Do what exactly?"

"Be a complete ass. This time has to be different-take the meds, do the rehab. And please don't push her away this time."

John opened his eyes and looked at his brother, "Your bedside manner really sucks. You realize I'm trying to recover from a gunshot wound, right?"

"Yes, and I also know how you were after the accident. You hurt her bad. You made her be someone even I couldn't stand-and I love her like a sister. Please don't do that again-not just for her but remember there's Liam now too. Ok?"

John nodded, "I saw Dad and Caitlin. They were there to help me cross over."

"Natalie thought you might have seen him."

John took a deep breath and tried to hold in the pain as he spoke, "My time was up Mike. And I stood there begging them to let me come back. Because I have to make this right with her. I have to make her Mrs McBain. No question about it. I promise you-I'm not screwing it up this time."

Michael grinned and went towards the door, "Good to hear. Get some sleep. I'll check in on you later. Love you, Bro."

John gave him a half smile and closed his eyes again-letting himself fall into some sort of sleep.

* * *

Natalie walked into the room and saw he was asleep—she thought about just turning around and leaving. It could wait—the whole conversation could wait until he was at least out of ICU.

The suggestion Michael had given her had worked—clearing her head from everything else she saw the future better now, but still wasn't sure if her future and John's were on the same page. Walking towards him she grabbed the chair and pulled it up to the bed, taking his hand carefully and holding it in hers. "Oh John—what are we doing?"

"I don't know—what are we doing?" he whispered and she saw his eyes begin to open and his thumb starting rubbing the top of her hand.

"I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's ok—the next dose of pain meds are starting to kick in, but I've slept enough already. Was just resting my eyes."

"Sorry I left the way I did."

"Don't be. You gave me time to think—and so did Mike, in his own weird way."

"What'd he tell you?"

"Doesn't matter. When I woke up earlier I was too forward with you. I was so happy to be alive and given this opportunity that I just went with what I'd been expecting. That once we got through this case everything would return to normal. But how is that even possible when your normal hasn't included me in six years?"

"I just can't lose myself this time John. At the end of everything before I forgot who I was—what I wanted to do. And that can't happen this time, do you understand?"

"Yeah. I think this version of you is my favorite."

Natalie blushed, "Yeah? And what version is that?"

"The version where you know exactly what you want and go for it," he smirked. "There was a time when if you had come into my office and said you'd set up a meeting time with a known murderer for us to catch I would have lost it."

"I was expecting that. You surprised me there, McBain."

"I'm not going to lie—it was sexy as hell. And risky too."

"I know what I want John. Why don't you tell me what you want?"

John brooded over his words for a moment, "This recovery is going to suck. I can already tell. I'm not as young as I was after Caitlin's gun shot or the accident. But the recovery always seems easier when you are by my side. I can't promise I won't bite your's or Liam's head off when I'm having a bad day. But what I want is us. All of it. The love, the hate, the laughter, the tears. How about you?"

"You know, chemistry has never been a problem with us. It feels like if we're in the same room there is an invisible line connecting us. I felt it that first night in your apartment after you came back. Hell—I felt it that first time at Crossroads," she said, a smile appear on her face at the memory.

 _You're Natalie?_

 _Yeah, why._

 _Well, if I didn't have a reason to before I do now._

"And I know we work well under pressure. But it's the rest I want—you to be home, in our bed at night. You to be there by my side as Liam grows older. You to be by my side as we grow older. It scares the hell out of me, but I want us. I want us again too," she said as wiped a few stray tears away.

John smiled, "If you want me to kiss you then you are going to have to come forward, unless you want to see a grown man cry from pain."

Natalie laughed and leaned forward, "I can do that."

"Good," he smiled as his lips met hers. "I love you, Natalie. Always have. Always will."

"I love you too, John. I don't think I could stop if I tried."


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Wow. This is it. This story had reminded me of how much I loved writing this couple. And just how much I loved this couple in general. It also helped me remind me how much I enjoy watching ME act. I haven't watched a lot of him since they destroyed John on GH. But I can now say I really like Finn. He's quirky-and a complete dork. LOL.

And though he will never read this I want to give a thank you to my husband, who has been my beta reader for this story. I wrote out the final scene a couple weeks back as we were driving somewhere and then read it to him. As I got to the last line he smiled and said it was perfectly Jolie. Ya'll enjoy-I do have stories to finish, and I promise you'll get your Joliday fic in December. Until next time-you truly are the best-PCGirl.

* * *

Natalie took a look around the room to make sure it was good before closing the door behind her and going into the kitchen. It'd been two weeks since John got shot, and one week since he moved out of ICU. Things were getting back to a new normal-Michael had left to go back to Seattle, saying they would come home for Christmas. And Craig had left as well—back to the Albany field office.

Aaron. Aaron was going to stay. Bo had come by the other day and asked John to be the new Police Commissioner. She'd watched John think for about two seconds before saying no. That he hated the politics and bureaucracy of the job-that for now he would help manage Rodi's while he recovered. He suggested Aaron for the job, and he accepted it.

John's recovery was going to take place here-in their home. When they'd bought the house there was a small room off the kitchen that was going to be John's office. But after he left it had become a catch all of stuff. She'd fixed it up now-with a twin bed and dresser, just until John could maneuver stairs better.

"Liam, are you ready to go over to Mark's?" she called up the steps and heard him begin to run down. "I should only be gone 30 minutes-just long enough to get your dad home."

"Cool," he said as he went to the door and opened it to see Aaron helping a slow-moving John up the side walk. "Dad," he shouted, running at him full speed before Natalie could tell him to be gentle.

She saw the impact and the grimace John made, but then turned it into a smile, "Hey buddy."

"Grandma Roxy said you got shot. Are you ok?"

"Much better now," he said with a smile. "Where are you off to?"

"I was going next door to Mark's so mom could get you. Can I still go?" he asked, looking back at his mom.

"Sure," she said as he took off across the lawn and she watched him get inside their neighbor's house. "You ok? That was a pretty bad hit you just took."

"I'll be fine," he said as he kissed her on the cheek and they kept going in.

"I was coming by for a visit when they gave him his walking papers. He was ready to get home so I brought him on. You got him from here?" asked Aaron after John got to the couch.

"Yeah, thanks boss," she grinned. "I'll see you in a few days."

"See ya," he said and left.

Natalie sat down on the couch beside John, putting her head on his shoulder, "At least we know Liam was worried about you. When I told him you were in the hospital and that's why you missed the camping trip he didn't say much."

John nodded as he turned his head a bit to kiss the top of hers, "I'm going to make it up to him. I'm going to make a lot up to both of you."

"You still ok with the idea of not being a cop right now?"

"Definitely," he said as he sat up some so he could look her in the eye. "I've done enough chasing of bad guys. I just want to focus on us, Liam, and my recovery. If I add something else to that one of those is going to fail-if not all three. I didn't come back for that to happen."

"I know. I just want you to be happy."

"I am, Natalie. Being here with you and Liam—that's all I need."

* * *

John leaned back onto the outdoor couch and watched the stars, Natalie nestled in beside him. It had been six months since the gunshot and recovery was almost over-he still had moments of pain, especially if he tried to do too much too fast. But for the most part he felt like it was back to normal.

Thinking of the next step he shifted some, looking up to the back of the house to see if the upstairs light was still on.

"You ok?" asked Natalie. "You've seemed antsy tonight."

"No, I'm good," he said as he played with the ends of her hair.

"I can talk to my boss-you know, if you are bored with just working at Rodi's. Aaron will get you back in the department."

"What I said to Bo in the hospital was true-I am perfectly content with what I have going on right now. I've done enough sleuthing and investigating. And I know the department is in completely capable hands with you running forensics and Aaron running the rest." John knew it wouldn't be forever, that a case would come up that needed his help. But for right now he was fine with where he was at.

"Oh, ok. Hey John?"

"Yeah?" he said, as he caught the trail of a shooting star and made a wish.

"Is everything ok with you and Liam? I thought I saw a look between you two at dinner earlier. Did you two have a fight I didn't know about?" she asked. She'd known it would be difficult for Liam to suddenly have a second authority figure in his life. And him and John had argued a couple times. But it had been small stuff-homework and bedtime-she just felt like something else was going on tonight.

John laughed as he saw the upstairs light go off and got up off the couch, "Why do you keep acting like the other shoe is about to drop?"

"Well, except for me being pregnant with Liam this is the longest our relationship has ever lasted," she said as they walked in and started cleaning up for the night.

"Nothing is going to happen-no ghosts, no secrets, no ulterior motives. I promise," he smiled as he made sure the back door was locked and went to the living room to check the front door as well.

As they made their way upstairs he let her lead, smiling that she had no clue the plan him and Liam had set up tonight.

"Goodnight sweetie," she said as she peeked her head into Liam's room.

"Night Mom. Night Dad," he said.

"Night buddy," said John as he gave him a wink and closed the door. "He's a great kid. Have I ever told you how well of a job you did with him?"

"Yeah," she smiled and gave him a kiss. "And now he's got both his parents he'll be even better."

"Hopefully so," he said and saw the box on the bench at the end of the bed. "What's that?"

Natalie turned to see where John was motioning to. "Oh-I didn't pull that out. Maybe Liam did. It's my memory box," she said as she sat down beside it and pulled it open. "It's stuff from our relationship from before-memories I wanted to keep. I told you about it."

"Oh yeah," he said, feigning innocence that he hadn't sat in that same spot earlier reminiscing. "What's in it exactly?"

She pulled each item out and said it softly to herself, noting there were new items in the box-items she hadn't seen since they happened.

 **Your phone number on a Rodi's napkin**

 _Are you setting me up McBain? Hustling me?_

 _It's a good table. You didn't think I'd give it up that easy, did you?_

 _Here's my number. Maybe you'll use it sometime._

 _I will._

 **A train ticket from AC to Llanview**

 _What's going to happen?_

 _We'll see what happens_

 **A note to meet you on the roof.**

 _I just- don't want this night to end._

 _First of all, there's going to be a lot of other nights. And secondly, this night is far from over._

 **Plane ticket to Bangkok**

 _You're just going to end up slowing me down._

 _Exactly._

 **A grocery list of some sort**

 _Yeah. I mean, we'll-we'll still be friends_

 _Yeah. You think we can?_

 _I'd like to._

 **My 'Dear John' Letter**

 _I don't know what the hell we've been doing the last few years, but above all others you belong with me._

 _You going to take your shot?_

 _Right now_

 **Liam's first sonogram**

 _A bright spot. It's like a shining star on a dark night._

 **The plane ticket to bring him home from Michigan.**

 _Liam is my son._

 _Yeah. He's your son._

 _And yours._

 _Congratulations. It's a boy._

 **St Jude**

 _St Jude is for lost causes._

 _Really?_

 _Yeah, he's supposed to make the impossible possible._

 _Big job._

 **And St Dwynwen**

 _She made a wish to ask God to look kindly on the hopes and dreams of true lovers._

As Natalie looked back up at John she saw him just standing there, leaning against the door frame to the closet. Her eyes were filled with tears, as she realized how much they had. How many moments they had shared in love or pain.

John walked back into the closet and grabbed the small black box him and Liam had set there earlier, out of sight just in case. "You know. There's one thing not in that box. And I'm kinda glad because I don't want it to be just a memory," he said as he kneeled down in front of her.

"I love you, Natalie. I have for fifteen years. That moment at Crossroads-I knew I was in trouble because I couldn't just go through the motions with you. Afterwards you tore down every wall I'd ever put up. And when I put up more you just knocked them over like they were nothing.

"That box holds a lot of good moments, but it's not all who we are. It's not always been perfect because that's not who we've ever been. You can't have light without darkness. And we've had plenty of both.

"But out of all that darkness we created this light-and he's down the hall right now. You once called him a bright spot, a shining star on a dark night. And he his, but so are you. You are my bright spot, Natalie. It's been you that has pulled me out of the darkness every time.

"Will you marry me?," he asked as she watched him open the box and saw his mother's ring shining back at her through the tears. "Please say something."

She struggled to come up with a reply, "You are my light too. Because whenever I open my eyes from the dark it's you that is there. So yes. I'm yours-always."

John slipped the ring on her finger and knew it would be there forever this time. Standing up he put his hand out and pulled her up as well, his hand pushing her hair out of her face before crushing his mouth against hers. This was what he had dreamt of for so long. No demons. No secrets. Just them. All that was left was the dreams they had to chase.

* * *

 _Two months later_

Michael walked onto the roof of the Angel Square Hotel and couldn't help but smile. When Natalie had called him eight months ago and told him John had been shot he'd really thought that was it. That his brother would be gone before he got on the plane.

But instead he was standing there in the middle of the roof looking up at the stars. "You couldn't ask for better weather."

John grinned, "A lot better than a tornado. Huh, Mike?"

"How does the couple that is actually _normal_ end up with a tornado and the couple whose relationship is a tornado end up with perfect weather?" he questioned.

John shrugged, "Just lucky I guess. I can't believe we finally made it to this moment. I really thought we'd missed our chance, Mike."

"Want to know a secret? So did I," he grinned and then looked around.

Gigi and Marcie had tried to spruce the place up a bit earlier, just some string lights and a few flowers, before heading to Rodi's to get the reception ready. He wasn't surprised when John and Natalie said they wanted to get married up here-it made complete sense-it was their place where they could just be themselves. And though their relationship was anything but simple, their wedding would definitely be.

Seeing Jessica get to the top of the steps he smiled, "How is our bride?"

Jessica beamed, "Ready for her groom. I told Liam to wait a few minutes before bringing her up."

* * *

Natalie took a deep breath as she looked at herself in the mirror they had set up in the room. This was it. She was finally going to be Mrs John McBain.

They were doing it their way this time-small, intimate, and a place that meant so much to them. If they could have gotten away with no guests they would have.

Instead they compromised—Jessica and Michael standing up for them. The rest of their friends and family waiting for them at Rodi's to celebrate.

It would have been more, but the rooftop was small, and they couldn't find a way to say yes and no to people without causing a fight.

It had already caused one when she said she didn't want Clint to walk her down. She knew the two men would never been on the same page of anything, so she scrapped the idea.

It seemed almost kismet that it would be Liam walking her down the aisle, so to speak, and to John. He had been there for the New Year's Eve wedding-not born, but present. And like the other two weddings she was holding a secret from John. But this time it was a good secret-she was pregnant and couldn't wait to tell him tonight. Maybe they would get their little red-haired girl after all.

Hearing the knock on the door she opened it to see Liam standing there, in his suit, "So are we going to do this or not?" he asked, putting his hand out to take hers, and she had a memory of John saying that to her in a dream.

"Yeah," she said as she wiped tears away. "You look so handsome."

As she walked out in the hallway and to the bottom of the stairs leading to the roof she looked down at Liam who was just staring at her in awe, "What is it?"

He just smiled at her, "You look pretty."


End file.
